Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
