when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
