Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
