3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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