In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I deserve this hangover.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
