Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
