Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
