I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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