Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
