His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
pray to the hookup gods
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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