i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
