she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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