Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
