Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
