I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
It was confusing and full of hummus
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
