i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
