He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
