I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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