It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
