Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
