ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
