If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize