the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
