I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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