i permit you to call me
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
