and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Bring me that man meat
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
