Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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