So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
