I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
