I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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