I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
