This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
