Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
