i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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