No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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