just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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