fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
