this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
