Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
