oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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