I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I think I just sharted jello shots
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