We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
