NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
