i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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