I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
