Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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