Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
