i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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