The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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