Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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