To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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