Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I pour the whiskey from now on
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize