we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I smell stomach acid.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
