I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
