Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
