drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
