Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
