I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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