We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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