I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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