How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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