well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Even my vagina gasped.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
