girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just gift wrapped bread.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
