yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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