I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
