You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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