Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize