So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
