we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
