it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
COCAINE IS GR8
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
