Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Are we still banned from the library?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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