I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
