We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
