i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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