Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
