Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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