Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
