I think im going to throw up on grandma
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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