i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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