So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
