i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
