I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
