If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
