i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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