is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize