Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
