what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
